What is Grace Parenting
Since Molly gave me the opportunity to share a bit of my parenting journey over at her place, I thought I should post a few things here. This is a repost from my former blog describing what my definition of grace parenting is.
First of all, grace parenting can be defined as parenting our childen as God parents us. Reflecting the character of God toward our children. It is interesting that the behavior of our children can often be seen as a relection of us, the parents. How wonderful when that reflection is also a reflection of God.
The basis of grace parenting is humility. God’s word tells us that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. It is when we understand our own weakness, our own faults, our own resopnsibilities in our parenting that God can give us the grace we need. It is when we can humble ourselves and become servant leaders to our children . . . not leaders who wield the authority that God has given us, but leaders who serve our children and consider them as more important than ourselves. Then we are creating fertile soil for God’s seeds of righteousness to be planted.
Foundational to grace parenting is love. The unconditional love of God should be so full in our life that it flows out toward our children. Though I believe we can never grasp just how massive God’s love is for us, if we can try to understand it, try to know just how much God loves us, we will be one step closer in being able to show that same love to our children. Love that is unconditional, love that is communicated, love that is affirming and accepting of each child as God created him or her.
Parenting by grace is controlled by faith not be fear. Instead of basing our actions and reactions on fear . . . fear of failure, fear of what others will say, fear that our children may stray. We base our actions and reactions on faith. Faith in God who is able to turn the hearts of kings. God loves our children so much more than we do. God has infinite wisdom and infinite power. He is the one that we trust, not our own abiblities.
Grace parenting has less to do with punishment and everything to do with discipling. Our goal is to be positive and purposeful in teaching our children in the instruction of the Lord. We focus on the heart of the child and not the behavior. We approach each situation individually, seeking understanding and wisdom from the Lord.
Grace parenting is more focused on influencing our children than controlling our children. In the words of a wonderful, wise man (my husband), “no matter how much control you think you have, you don’t” We cannot control these children into a personal relatonship with their God and Savior. We seek to influence them, to compel them to seek the God who loves them, who created them for a purpose. Contol works . . . but only temporarily. Influnce can have eternal results.
Finally, grace parenting is purposeful parenting, not parenting by default. It is work! It requires us to know our children. Know their personalities, know their learning style, know what best communicates love to them. In essence, we must be come a student of our children. Understand that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all parenting method. There is no recipe; there is no formula. Each child is different and each situation is different. We cannot go on automatic pilot in our parenting. We must continually seek God’s wisdom for our childen’s sake. Our knees should be just worn out!
There is a start! We are just scratching the surface, I think. God continues to draw me deeper into his grace each day. That is my prayer though . . . less of me, more of Him.
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This is SO good.
Cynthia, I am so glad you shared this! It is so beautifully put. I am actually going to make it into a word document and save it on my computer as a resource for the future!
Thank you!
Thanks for your note at my place. God is good… GOOD GOOD GOOD … through it all.
My life fell apart almost two years ago when my carefully brought up child came home from a New Years Party throughly drunk. Just that night we had gotten up in our church’s New Years Eve service and gave praise to God for our wonderful family and peace in our house. I know what you are talking about here in this post. We are now just beginning to learn to parent with grace. My only hope is that others out there whose lives fall apart and the rules no longer guarantee any success or hope will find sites like this and be comforted. Thank you for putting your story out there. I linked in from Adventures in Mercy via Subversive Influence.
Thank you for these words. My youngest is almost 18 and these concepts are still valid, maybe even more so than when he was 4. Daily, my job as a mother is to be his parent, whether or not he likes my approach. I am to raise him up in the way in which he should go. Along the way I need to be aware that he is person in his own right and he has been given the gift of free agency just as I have been given that gift. Choices. Made in faith. Nurtured with prayer and by God’s grace.